Laughter Lessons with Jazz Hands

Nov 10: Being grateful for humor -- share a story about a time in your career where humor played a part.

I can't recall a single day of my career where my sense of humor has not been called upon to mediate a dispute, de-escalate a student, soften a hard blow, and help me keep events in their proper perspective. I make a lot of mistakes every day. I'm also not super graceful.  The only way to bounce back is to bow, curtsy, or throw up some jazz hands a la Mary Katherine Gallagher.  

Here's an incomplete and totally arbitrary list of moments in my career where a sense of humor was essential to ease tension, raise awareness, and/or return the class to equilibrium:

• when I told students to bring materials to work on their projects the next day and seventh grader Patrick brought a level, a drill, and a power saw...he was TOTALLY taking prepared to new levels.  Lesson: Be specific.
• the day I taught a whole class period with my zipper down: stretch pants & old lady panties. Lesson: 'Nuff said.
• the time I sat down in the chair a little too vigorously and it quietly tipped backward, dumping me in the corner of the room.  And trapping me.  With my bare legs waving in the air.  Luckily, my dear student teacher Mrs. Brittany Jungck noticed I was "missing" before I got my breath back (I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe) and sent students over to help me out of my predicament.  Lesson: Don't let the IT students fix your chair.
• when a student threatened to punch me upon his return from suspension, and I sent him to the office, remarking after his departure, "Guess he didn't like the new seating arrangement." Lesson: Never let them know you're afraid to take a punch.  Because. I. Am.
• when I realized the entire fifth grade class had changed name tags to confuse the sub (me).  I called all of them by fake names all day long, the crazier the better.  Lesson: Anything you can do, I can do better. I AM smarter than a whole classroom of fifth graders.
• when a sweet, funny new student asked me to the Homecoming Dance in front of the class, and I said, "Just because all your friends are taking married, pregnant dates this year doesn't mean YOU have to."  Lesson: Mock yourself to protect others. 
• the day one of my male students kept talking about what a slut this "girl he nailed" over the weekend was.  That girl was also one of my students, and I knew she was crying in the bathroom at that very moment.  As I passed by his desk, I leaned over so only he could hear me and said, "If she's actually a slut, and you slept with her, as you have so loudly proclaimed that even your teacher heard you, what would that make YOU?  Think about it and see me after class." Two very sincere apologies were delivered immediately after class.  Both students admirably handled the rest of the semester with grace despite the ugliness of that day. Lesson: Surprise them into thinking. Remind them you are not deaf, dumb, or blind.
• the day I broke up a vicious fight between two young ladies I didn't know on a Monday morning before 8 a.m. over who called who a whore on Facebook.  Weaves, fake nails, jewelry, and books were all over the place.  In the melee, one of them had a boob escape from her spandex top.  I just stepped up and mentioned they might want to take a break to fix the wardrobe malfunction. Both fell on the floor laughing when they saw what I meant.  Then followed me willingly to the office.  Lesson: We are united by laughter. 
• the day I caught my foot in a sophomore's backpack strap while passing papers back. I did a 360 degree twirl and landed in the student's lap.  And I was stuck.  I couldn't get back out of the desk.  The student did not want to touch me. And I didn't want to touch him either. There was an uncomfortably long, hands-free struggle while I tried to wiggle free without touching him. I finally had to shove off from his right thigh.  I don't remember his name or his face.  But I do remember he never talked again in my class.  Lesson: I have foreseen my death. It involves back packs laying in the aisles.

Whatever the day brings, know that I will greet it with jazz hands and a big smile.

Photo Credit: http://www.tvguide.com/PhotoGallery/Best-SNL-Cast-Members-1078305/1078328